It's so strange to wake up one day and just feel different. More alive, like something has just clicked. I'm not sure if it's the blogging, but what ever it is I am truly thankful about it. I had been slipping into a pit, the fingers of depression were reaching out to me. I was fighting against the hold that they can get over a person. SO what ever it is that is happening, I am happy about it.
The little girl roaming, looking for something, wanting to be noticed. I started to talk about that yesterday. How I felt about my home life. Being far removed from my siblings because of age and general differences. My sister was just grumpy, and well my brothers were boys. My older brother tolerated me, I know that he loved me, but I was an aggravation. My younger brother was just that, younger, I became the one that tolerated him.Sometimes that is how I feel, that I am tolerated. That I have been tolerated.
I have memories of my early childhood, but I am not sure if they are resident memories, or ones that have developed as a result of the retelling of stories about me and/or that time in my life, or are they based on things pieced together from stolen moments from the old 8mm home movies. I do know that I had an Aunt and Uncle that loved me dearly and spoiled me rotten, until they had a child of their own, which was when I was six.
A thought just hit me, that in my minds eye I see myself as a person of little or no consequence.
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